SELFISH OR SELFLESS!!!

I am searching for that something...that my heart is seeking for....but I know I can't get that yet..I have just climbed one step out of 10...may be I genuinely have to struggle for that...but I don't wanna...feel likeI have lost everythin....I turn around but again I see those fool faces.. those crapy minds... those dirty feelings...those intolerable ideas..its enuf..may be more than enuf....every morning when I see my face in the mirror..I hate myself one more time......why we trust people so easily.....but life goes on....world is cruel...so are the people ..they think only they have heart.....only their emotions counts....only they get hurt .....very selfish(including me)....I still remember one of my friend sayin..world is a stage...life is a drama....god is the director...and we all are actors...and that perfectly makes sense...every one is playing their best to complete this drama....but why everybody is tryin hard to play the selfish role...why they can't be selfless????..hard to know them...even if u try they will turn themself for a while into fake world and give u the fake ideas...fake love...fake feelings...fake words...and u believe them ....trust them...and when that trust reach to that hierarchy...then u realise its tooo late...late for everything...your heart feels like going to the place where U can be by yourself only but you can't find any place to hide yourself.....you take shower for probably thousand times but still your heart reckon thats not enough....you feel as if u have lose that self-respect...!!!but still u learn something from that.....and adds up one more page of good experience in your life....nevertheless, again u get lost in this busy, crowdy and selfish world!!!!!